My life has improved quite a bit since May 18, 2014. That was the last time that I tried to commit suicide. I have graduated Dialectical Behavioral Therapy at
MBSU. I have a new therapist, she isn't as good as Tom Bunnell, but that is because she is new to Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. I started with her, while I was still seeing Tom. Tom has started his own Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. I was with Tom basically since he started at MBSU. He wasn't a great therapist when he first started, but he is an amazing therapist now.
I have had a lot of bad things happen to me... My biological mother died in a car accident, the man driving the car walked away with a bruise from the seat belt, and his friend is paralyzed from the waist down, that was in 2001. Before that the man that walked away with the seat belt bruise, was raping me. He was also engaged to my mom. Then I moved here to Utah, my aunt and uncle adopted me. My uncle is my biological mom's brother. When my cousin, Adam, my aunt and uncle's son turned 1, they adopted me in 2002. My brother (cousin, previously), and I share an important date in our lives. The day I was adopted.
My mom and dad (aunt and uncle, previously), sent me to a treatment center to help me with my anger issues when I was 14. I am very grateful for that. While I was there, my mom got pregnant and had another son. I was supposed to go home and visit my family for the first time in 18 months, and my brother Thomas was born, 2009. I was really upset, as any child would be. I was also really excited to meet my new brother when I got to come home. I came home right before my birthday and Christmas, December 1, 2009. I got to meet my new brother, and I got to see my other brother whom I hadn't seen in almost two years.
When I came home, I noticed that I was treated differently than I was. I noticed that I wasn't as loved as Adam. which made me to resent him. I started to take my anger out on him. I was verbally abusive. I just wanted to be loved as much as he was.
A little more than 18 months later, my brother Maxwell was born, and I felt even less loved. I started to resent my family more than before. I just wanted a family that "loved" me. I remember writing in a journal saying how I wanted my mom to go die in a hole, and then a grande would land on her so that she would blow up. I really started to hate her more than ever. I was again sent to a treatment program. This time it was
Second Nature. I was out in the wilderness. I felt like they were throwing me away because I wasn't important. I resented my mom. My dad, wasn't like my mom. I think that he was more understanding than she was because he had lost his sister (my biological mother).
Fast forward to August 2012, after I had graduated high school. I moved out. My parents were pissed, because I had moved in with a guy that I had just met. They had, had enough of my crap. They said that if I stay with this guy I wasn't welcome in there house, I didn't care, so I moved in with him. He was very abusive to me. He treated me like trash. While I was living with him, I tried to commit suicide 18 times. After about four months of living with him, I had to find somewhere else to live. I couldn't take anymore of the abuse. So, I found an apartment, and moved in. While I was on my own, I tried to kill myself again, because I was depressed. I just didn't want to live anymore. I took so many pills that I was in a coma for two days. After that I was sent to the mental hospital. My doctor there released me after one day, I told him that I would be back the next day if he didn't keep me. He didn't believe me, and I was back the next day. I just had given up on life.
Then my life changed on December 21, 2013...
I met my fiance Evan. He is the most amazing man in the world. He didn't judge me because of what I had gone through, he supports me, reminds me to take my meds. He is the best person in my life. He is my life support. He has helped me to graduate from MBSU. He has taught me that no matter who has hurt me or what I have gone through in my short life, I am stronger because of it.
Fast forward to April 2014, right before my last suicide attempt. I found my parents address, they had moved. They didn't want any contact with me. I showed up at their new place on Easter. My dad invited me and my fiance in, my mom said, "Get the fuck out of my house." She texted me saying that there is no way that I could have found their address because they were renting their house. But she taught me that I can find anyone that I am looking for by paying a little bit of money, and because I know her maiden name, it made it a lot easier. I didn't even have to pay any money. It is interesting how someone who taught me to find people online and who knows it is possible to say that it was impossible.
After that, she got a restraining order. I haven't seen my family in two years. During that time I found the man (my dad, he was married to my mom when I was younger) that was in my life the most as a child, before my mom died, I went and visited him. It was the first time that I had seen him in 12 years. I also got to see my sister (not biological), and I found out that I have two other sister, a brother, and a niece and a nephew. It was a pretty good reunion. It was the first time that I had visited Texas since 2001. It was a rough experience.
Now, I have graduated Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, as I said at the beginning. I am getting a job, and I feel like a whole different person. I am also contemplating finding out if this one guy that my mom was with is my biological father. If he is I was have 6 sisters. If not, the other guy is very abusive, and I want nothing to do with him.
Frankie
